if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
