i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
