I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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