Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
