Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
