I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
