i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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