We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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