THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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