nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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