did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
