Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
