i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
