I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
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