I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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