Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
no, he came in my armpit
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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