I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
