We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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