remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
