Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
