I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
