Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
