i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
