She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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