So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
porn star boner night. come get it.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
