Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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