let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
