We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
