So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
