sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
