he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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