walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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