I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
