Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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