she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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