Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
