you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
