he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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