If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
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