Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
