it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
porn star boner night. come get it.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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