I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
