i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
vagina is talking i cant
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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