I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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