non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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