You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
