K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
