I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
