So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
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