I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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