Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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