I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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