I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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