Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Randomize
