? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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