This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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