you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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